The Mock Turtle introduces himself as a member of the rare species of Great Turtle from which is made the famous Mock Turtle Soup, the
Soup of Kings. "Sit down and don't say a word until I've finished.
Once," said the Mock Turtle with a deep sigh, "I was a real Turtle." The
Mock Turtle relates a tragic and lengthy tale about going to school in
the sea, and about his studies in the obscure disciplines of the
Quadriva Arithmetia - Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision
-- and the courses of instruction in Mystery, ancient and modern, with
Seaography, Drawling, Stretching, Fainting in Coils, Laughing, and
Grief. At last, when it becomes clear that his story has no point, you
become restless. "Oh, dear," said the Mock Turtle. "I'm afraid I've
bored you. You've been so kind to listen to the maunderings of an
ancient reptile...please say my name backwards where it will do the most
good, accept as a token of my gratitude a product of my researches in
the field of Speculative Ontology. - The Mock Turtle of Battlespire