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[Somewhere, in a vale lost to a misplaced rock, a pair of dragons have lingered. Too lazy to fly over the small mountains in Haafingar, too provincial to worry about the utter lack of dragons in the past several ages, so insignificant they escaped the Akaviri dragon hunters by virtue of not being of note, they have remained satisfied with a "lordship" over a valley so alive, it couldn't even fill one black soul gem. Naaslaarum and Voslaarum, the twins who are dragons only by birth, are about to meet a level-too-high Dragonborn who has dealt with Alduin, Miraak, and is now finally dealing with Harkon because they're tired of having NPCs die mysteriously to vampire attacks when the player is not looking...]

[somewhere under a frozen lake]
Naaslaarum: hear that?
Voslaarum: yes, a biped, or wait... two of them
Naaslaarum: too light to be a trolls
Voslaarum: too loud to be a critter-elves
Naaslaarum: it's been ages since we ate proper
Voslaarum: yes it has, let's burst through the frozen lake and just snap them in one gulp! Whale style!
Naaslaarum: really..? I'd rather play with my meal a bit; also whales are fake, they don't exist in this world
Voslaarum: sure brother, whatever you say. We can chase them around the lake, but I'm not letting my meal escape again, like that time with the pale elf...
Naaslaarum: yeah, by bad. Sorry mate, I just wanted the chase to go on for a bit longer! I didn't realize he would teleport away using the teleporter shrines...
Voslaarum: quiet, here comes the lighter one...

[footsteps intensify]
Serana: this must be that beautiful Skyrim weather I keep hearing about...
[thud]
Serana: wait, what was that?

[bursting through ice]
Naaslaarum: I AM NAAS LAA RUM! Hear our voice and dispair!
Voslaarum: I AM VOS LAA RUM! Surrender us your lifes!
Naaslaarum: For ages we have,
Voslaarum: lingered in this forgotten vale,
Naaslaarum: deprived of a good meal,
Voslaarum: which you will now provide!

[super enchanted dragon bone arrow fired from a maxed-out Daedric bow]
Naaslaarum: what the fuck?! was that...?
Voslaarum: dragonbone brother! That one is a dragon SLAYER!!
Naaslaarum: And the smell..
Voslaarum: the smell of souls....
Naaslaarum: that's Alduin's soul!!!
Voslaarum: But Alduin disappeared ages ago?! Is this one responsible for that?!!
Naaslaarum: Impossible, mortals don't live that long!

[dragonrend at Voslaarum, who lands]
Voslaarum: YEAHHHHAHHFFFOOFOFKFKKHH
Naaslaarum: What in Oblivion's name IS THAT SHOUT?!
Voslaarum: Brother, SAVE YOURSELF! THAT SHOUT IS POISON AND DISEASE AND DEATH!! FLY YOU FOOL!!!
Naaslaarum: I will conquer this fiend in a battle worthy of

[lighting storm is cast at Naaslaarum, player is wearing Zakhrisos]
Naaslaarum: My Thuum! What sorcery is this? My voice has no power?!

[super enchanted dragon bow arrow fired again, Voslaarum dies]
Voslaarum: Nooo!! Dovah Kin!!
[soul absorbed]
Naaslaarum: BROOOOTHEEER!!!!!

[someone equips Volendrung]
Naaslaarum: I will avenge this, and emerge triumphant from this epic battle of shouts, and slay the mighty hero who slayed Alduin, and claim lordship over all dragons, and all men, and all mer, and all that is, and is to be!!! Songs shall be written in MY name, and the world will be mine for all ...

[dragonrend at Naaslaarum, who lands]
Naaslaarum: FORFUCKSAAAAAAAAAYAYAHLLKJLJKJKFJLFLMKljkjjlggghhh....
[Volendrung comes crashing onto Naaslarum's head, punching through the ice]
Voslaarum: Nooo!!! He is Dovah ...
[drowning noises, soul absorbed]

Serana: That was it? Figures...
Dovakin: They must have been juveniles.